Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.