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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?