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Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.