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Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.