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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye