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The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
Even if I’m mad at my wife I should be mature enough not to flush the toilet on purpose while she’s in the shower, but it turns out I’m not.
Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.