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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
Survival rule #1: You go first.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.