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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
My favorite beer is an open one.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?