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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
Ever wonder why divorces are expensive? Because they are worth it!
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......