Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.