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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.