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I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.