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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
Every day can be palm Sunday if you`re a single guy
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.