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You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.