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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."