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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.