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Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".