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It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.