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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
So many rules; so little time to break them.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
Lol at birds that walk places.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.