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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
I like the parts of the day when food happens.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?