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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
If you are having anxiety over something you`ve said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business