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Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...