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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.