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Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?