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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
What number SPF blocks people?
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.