Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
Safe words are for quitters.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.