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"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
Insert coin to view my status message.
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come