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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.