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The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...