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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.