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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.