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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.