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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: “I want you to treat me like a movie star,” it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.