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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.