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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
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If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.