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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
Reincarnation is my only hope.