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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of