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Wine: How classy people get trashed.
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
Marriage is for quitters
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.