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I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
Do bees even have knees?
Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.