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Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.