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My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.