Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.