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I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.