Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.