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Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Ride me like you stole me.
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.