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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?