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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
You are here: X
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.