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From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but Iām still looking.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.