Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.