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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords