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I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
I had your cake and ate it too.