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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
Our phone falls, we panic... our friends fall, we laugh.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.