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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
5 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.