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I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.