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The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
lifes a laugh, start living it!
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.