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Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.