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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole