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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.