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Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.