Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.