Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.