Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.