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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.