Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.