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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
My memory foam has amnesia