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Haters are my motivators(:
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.