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Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that sh!t.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
There`s no WE in pizza.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.