Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Caught myself yelling "F*CK YOU" to my burrito for dripping on my pants, if you were wondering who`s raising the next generation.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...