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"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
I just broke my record for most days lived.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted