Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?