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You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.