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So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.