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For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
Wife: I wish we could have sex like we used to... Husband: Do you mean with other people?
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day