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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.