Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.