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St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza.....and then insist that he called me
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...