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If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.