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Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
Unless my horoscope says, "You will dread going to work and will most likely masturbate," then it is a crock of sh*t.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........