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It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.