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The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll holes
Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!