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I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?