Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now, Dora solves the case everytime