Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.