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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
Today feels like a stay in bed, pull the blankets over your head, and pretend you`re on an adventure in a kangaroo`s pouch type of day
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…